I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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