well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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