You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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