she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
