now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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