Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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