Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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