Just took my morning after pill in the library
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
