No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
