There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
