I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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