How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
