Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
