I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
