the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
