We're like a lot better than the average bears
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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