Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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