i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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