DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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