A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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