apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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