I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
