Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
