ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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