Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
