she was so not down for the gang bang
I didn't shave. On purpose
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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