I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
