my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Mom said you looked used
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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