My underwear smells like fireworks.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
