So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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