Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
