Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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