i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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