the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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