no, he came in my armpit
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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