So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
