So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We are all done wearing pants today
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
