the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
