Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
