hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
