I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
