I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
