apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
