don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
