it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I smell like Dick and happiness
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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