Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
sex in a hospital.. check
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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