It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
