somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
