***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
