It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
